


Attached

by slythatheart



Series: No Strings [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-04
Updated: 2012-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-11 10:13:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/477433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slythatheart/pseuds/slythatheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian's thoughts and feelings in the aftermath of their night together and the news of what Dave has done. Spoilers for 3x14 - On My Way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attached

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during the events of On My Way.
> 
>  
> 
> _/* represents a flashback */_

Sebastian busied himself organizing the layout for the fliers that the Warblers would hand out for their charity drive. They needed to be just right for Regionals; they needed to send the right message to encourage support for donations. Any money they raised would be going to the Born This Way Foundation. It would help others. People who were struggling with themselves and needed support – people like Dave Karofsky. The other Warblers had already agreed to dedicate their performance to Dave but it felt like it wasn't enough. None of it was.

_/* Sebastian thanked Jack – that most likely wasn't the bartender's name, but Sebastian had always been partial to Jack Daniels – as he took the beer the other man had placed in front of him. He was about to look for an empty table when he heard Jack call out to him._

" _Wait!"_

_He looked up to see the bartender was shifting uncomfortably and staring at Sebastian strangely. "What? Am I growing horns or something?"_

" _No. No…I just…I was wondering if you had any news on what happened with your friend? Is he okay?" */_

He took a mouthful of his coffee and winced at the cold liquid. He needed another one but he couldn't bring himself to walk from the table he was sitting at to the counter. It was the Lima Bean, nobody was going to touch his stuff, but these fliers…they were so important. They had to be perfect.

_/* "What are you talking about? What friend?"_

_Sebastian had no idea what was going on, but something about the look on the other man's face told him it wasn't anything good._

" _The guy you talk to sometimes…Bear Cub. Didn't…didn't you hear what happened?"_

_Something inside Sebastian clenched tightly. Was something wrong with Dave? Was he sick? Had he been in an accident or something? "No…why? What happened?" */_

When he looked down at his work he realized his fingers had been shaking. His notes were almost illegible and he felt something break inside him. It wasn't going to be enough – nothing would be. Nothing was going to fix what had happened. _What had almost happened_ , he tried to tell himself, but it didn't help. Because as thankful as he was that Dave was still alive, it didn't change the fact that he'd _wanted_ to die. Wanted it enough to try and make it happen all because he couldn't stand the way other people treated him.

_/* "Oh…shit dude. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have…I mean…I thought someone would have told you. It's not really my place…just…maybe you should call his family or something I don't really know the whole story and—"_

" _Shut up!" He was usually pretty relaxed in most situations, but Sebastian was going to seriously flip his shit if Jack didn't just tell him what was going on. He'd been on edge all the way to Scandals, worried –_ actually fucking worried _– about how Dave was going to react to him after the night they'd spent together. He'd had all these scenarios in mind; but absolutely none of them involved the bartender rambling about Dave and making him imagine a million awful things. "Just…stop apologizing and tell me. What the fuck are you talking about?" */_

Sebastian refused to dwell on why Dave did what he did. He couldn't think about the other boy being so hurt by the taunts and actions of others. It led to thoughts on how _he_ had treated Dave and those thoughts wouldn't help. If he'd acted differently, would this have happened? If he'd been nicer or more caring would Dave have approached him for help? If he'd not been such a selfish prick would the older boy have thought twice before doing what he'd done?

Regret wasn't something Sebastian felt often. It was a foreign and strange feeling, but one he'd come to recognize since he'd started spending time around Dave.

He'd regretted the way he spoke to Dave when he'd asked for advice on meeting guys. Dave was only "Bear Cub" to Sebastian back then, just another regular at Scandals. Those guys fell into two categories for him; fuckable or fuck-off; he'd never really considered that they were people with feelings. He'd never bothered to wonder whether they were strong, confident or proud about their sexuality like he was. Sebastian had a sharp tongue, he knew, and he made a joke about everything but even he could admit that the hurt look in Dave's eyes made him feel bad.

 _/* "_ You _get a guy?_ Please _," Sebastian scoffed._

" _Why? What's wrong with me?"_

" _Well for starters, you're about a hundred pounds overweight. And stop waxing your eyebrows, you look like Liberace. In fact, just stay in the closet, buddy."_

_Sebastian could see he was hurting the other boy's feelings and he wasn't sure why that bothered him. He turned away and spent the rest of the night pointedly not looking at the guy the other regulars called Bear Cub. */_

He'd also regretted the night at Scandals not even three weeks ago. Well, no. In truth, that wasn't completely accurate to say. He didn't regret what happened between them. He couldn't. Not even the tiniest bit.

_/* "Fucking Christ, Bear Cub. Just how strong are you?" Sebastian moaned into the other boy's cheek. He could feel Dave's mouth curl into a grin against him and he turned to seize the larger teen's lower lip with his teeth. He nibbled and sucked at the flesh he'd captured before moaning again and pulling Dave into a proper kiss, tongues dueling for a few moments until they both relaxed and just explored the wet heat. */_

It had been incredible. Late at night when Sebastian was tired enough to let his rich brat mask slip he could even admit – only to himself, of course – that it had been the most amazing night of his life.

 _/* "Fuck, Seb," Dave groaned, "your abs… I just wanna…God,_ fuck _." Sebastian was almost startled when the larger boy fell to his knees and started licking and sucking at the muscles along his stomach. His mouth was hot, wet and eager and he wasn't at all restrained, leaving shiny trails and red marks all over the smooth skin. When he felt Dave's hands start massaging the globes of his ass, pulling his hips forward, he tangled one hand into the short hair in front of him and dropped the other to the back of Dave's neck. His skin was growing warmer and he was struggling to focus on anything other than the way that mouth was making him feel. */_

Sometimes he could pretend that night had only been so wonderful because Dave had the most impressive cock Sebastian had ever seen outside of porn movies; but other times he couldn't deny that it was more than that. He'd never been one of those mushy types that connected sex and feelings but for once he'd felt something more than just body heat and a sexual rush. And that surprised the hell out of him.

What he really regretted was that he'd treated Dave so badly afterwards; like he was nothing, nobody. Like he wanted Dave to leave instead of curling up against him and basking in feelings he hadn't even believed himself capable of.

 _/* The needy moans Dave was making as Sebastian pumped him harder were_ definitely _the sexiest thing that the more experienced teen had heard in a very long time. He'd always felt empowered when he could make another man fall apart but this was – though Sebastian was hesitant to admit it to himself – more than that. He wasn't just feeling smug and self-satisfied; he genuinely wanted to make this perfect for Dave. Not for Sebastian's reputation or ego, but actually_ for Dave _. */_

It wasn't as though he was in love with the other boy. That would just be ridiculous. It was one night – Sebastian had a lot of "one nights" – it hadn't even been a date, just a fuck. Just a maddeningly _glorious_ fuck that somehow managed to leave him with more than just sweat on his skin and the boneless feeling that engulfed him after coming so intensely. It definitely wasn't anything as outlandish as _love_. But it _had_ left him feeling something for the person beside him other than general disdain and an impatient desire to be left alone.

He didn't actually know what that feeling was. But it was a nice one – one that he would have liked to explore, to identify – if only he had felt comfortable letting himself.

_/* Normally when he gave head, it was a means to an end. When done right, the power it gave him over his partner was a special kind of rush beyond anything else – but he'd never found it to be particularly stimulating beyond that. This felt different._

Maybe this could become something.

_No. No, it couldn't. Because that just wasn't who Sebastian was; it wasn't what he wanted. */_

Sebastian had always felt a sliver of pity for people who were unsure of themselves, and that pity inevitably came with a generous serving of dislike and disapproval. How could you garner acceptance and respect if you didn't even accept and respect yourself?

But...maybe Sebastian wasn't all that different from those people after all. Oh, he would never hide his sexuality. For someone who was both young and rather slender he was very aggressive when it came to what he wanted. His attraction to men certainly wasn't exempt from that. But he had been hiding, hadn't he? Maybe he hadn't done so deliberately – in fact, he hadn't even realized he was doing it before that night with Dave – but that didn't make it less true.

He'd never held any belief in the idea that sex should go hand in hand with relationships and caring. People said things like "sex is so much better when you care about someone" but Sebastian had had quite a lot of really _awesome_ sex with people he didn't give a shit about, so he figured that was just another empty cliché. He had always been selective with his partners (they had to have something of interest to him, he was hot enough to get anyone he wanted, after all) but he'd never expected, or wanted, more than just a good time and a great orgasm. If by the end of the night he wasn't annoyed at their existence Sebastian considered that a success. But when confronted with the possibility that he could develop feelings for someone, Sebastian didn't go after it with his usual aggression. He hid. He panicked and cowered behind what he knew. The experience he'd shared with Dave was unlike anything he'd felt before. He wasn't sure if that was because of him, or because of Dave. Both of them, perhaps? Maybe it stemmed from the fact that he actually knew Dave as a person, even liked him a little bit? Or maybe it was something in the way that Dave had touched Sebastian, like Dave _did_ think that sex should involve some level of caring.

_/* Dave blinked at him foggily a few times before Sebastian could see him literally pull himself back together. His breathing was still ragged and he was obviously still dazed, but he sat up straighter, winding his arms solidly around Sebastian – who steadfastly refused to ask himself why he felt protected rather than trapped – and began languidly kissing the slender teen, dipping his tongue along his lower lip and biting gently at it until Sebastian's mouth parted. They spent several minutes draped around each other, pressed together tightly while their tongues drowsily mapped out each other's mouths. */_

Sebastian wondered for a moment if it had been because it was Dave's first time but he dismissed that idea quickly. He'd deflowered virgins before but never felt particularly fond of any of them, and Dave had been aggressive enough sexually to reassure Sebastian that the other boy wasn't being overly sappy, nervous, or sentimental over his first time (those were three traits that Sebastian had found to be common in virgins, leaving him relatively disinterested in them overall).

 _/* "You are," Dave paused to lick along the left line from its lowest point all the way to Sebastian's hip, "so sexy." He bit into the skin hard enough to leave a neat ring of indentations before suckling on it and doing the same for the other side. "This fucking_ V _that you have…just…fuck." */_

At any rate, _where_ the feelings stemmed from was a mystery to Sebastian. Not that it made any difference when it came down to it. He'd enjoyed them while riding the sexual high he'd been on, but once they were done for the night and he allowed self-awareness to reestablish itself, Sebastian became unnerved. It wasn't like him, and it definitely wasn't something he wanted.

Except everything inside him was screaming that it was. And that was even worse.

 _/* He had the insane urge to roll towards Dave and fucking_ cuddle _with him._

 _That just wasn't him. He was going to ignore the idiotic notions that had taken up residence in his brain, and no matter how mind blowing this experience had been he would_ not _be indulging in a repeat performance with Dave. Not that night, not any other night. Once was apparently dangerous enough. He didn't feel these things and he didn't act like a sentimental fool. Sebastian Smythe did not cuddle. He didn't. He wouldn't. */_

So, he waited until his heart stopped racing; until the sweat on his body cooled. He allowed time for his toes to stop twitching, for control to come back to his limbs. And when those successes had been achieved, Sebastian was disturbed to find that the feelings were still there. They hadn't dissipated with the other side effects of truly mind blowing sex.

And that was when he fucked it all up.

_/* "Are you still here?"_

_It had never been difficult for him to say before; he wouldn't let the lump in his throat stop him. */_

It was stupid, really. He'd never fought _against_ something he wanted before, never in his whole life. Why had he chosen that moment to start? Fear? Was Sebastian _afraid_?

_/* "What's the matter, Seb?" Dave asked jokingly, "Afraid I'll never leave?" */_

Perhaps. The idea of caring for someone who may not care back certainly seemed like a valid fear. Even more so if they did care in return, because then things might go further; feelings might grow stronger. And then, someone would get hurt – as people in relationships inevitably did – and wouldn't it be so much better not to know what you were missing than to have something _real_ only to lose it?

_/* Sebastian stamped down the smile he wanted to give the other boy, "Come on Bear Cub, this has been fun, but don't get clingy." */_

Self-reflection had never been something he indulged in, but even Sebastian could tell _that_ probably wasn't a healthy outlook to take. He'd never really thought about it before, had never really asked himself why he wasn't interested in a relationship. He'd always just thought off handedly that it wasn't for him, that he enjoyed being single and everything that came with it. And maybe that had been true as a general rule but it didn't explain what he had done when faced with the possibility that he might be interested in more.

 _/* "We had fun. It was awesome and maybe we'll even do it again sometime—"_ Yes. No! Yes. Fuck! _"—but if you're looking for feelings and other boring shit maybe you should look for someone who wants the same."_

 _His stomach was doing flips at the stung look on Dave's face. He knew he was being a total dick – Dave wasn't asking for much, just to hold him for a minute. He wasn't trying to fucking propose marriage or anything – but Sebastian knew he needed to be a jerk or he'd give in and that just wasn't an option. He might play it off as nothing but Dave_ was _his friend; if not before, he certainly was after the amazing experience they'd just shared. But he couldn't get past the coiling desire in his gut that wanted more than that._ No _. */_

Sebastian _liked_ Dave. He liked him beyond the platonic camaraderie he felt with the Warblers. He was _interested_ in Dave. And he wanted to see where that interest went.

He was pretty sure it started that night when Dave drove away Creeper-Face; he wasn't so clueless that he wouldn't have noticed if it had started earlier.

Oh, he'd definitely been pissed about what the other boy had done…at first. Dave had gotten rid of a guy that was probably really good in the sack, but when Sebastian realized that Dave was trying to defend his honor – something that managed to be both ridiculous and endearing at the same time – he'd been curious. He didn't know anyone who would look out for him like that, not really. And then when Dave was so unaffected by the idea of a huge cock, Sebastian was intrigued. He'd genuinely wondered why Dave was unimpressed, until he caught the boy glancing down at his own crotch. _Oh._

 _/* Sebastian could barely believe what he was hearing. "Okay sized? You've got to be shitting me. The cliché might say otherwise, Bear Cub, but size_ does _matter. And most of the time, it's a total let down. How many guys do you seriously think just hang around Lima sporting that kind of package? Especially in a dive like this?" What part of nine and a half inches did Dave not understand? How was he not impressed by that?_

_Dave's eyes flitted down to his own crotch. It was just for a split second – if Sebastian hadn't been examining Dave so carefully trying to figure him out, he would have missed it. But see it he had and something clicked in his brain. Growly had suddenly become a whole lot more interesting. */_

That was more than enough to make Sebastian really _look_ at the Bear Cub – with actual interest rather than a disaffected eye – and even if it hadn't been, the way he'd responded to Sebastian's flirting would have done that for sure. Dave had somehow managed to be everything that turned Sebastian on – just responsive enough to be appealing, just aggressive enough to be sexy, just pure enough to make Sebastian want to corrupt him – in one previously overlooked, yet surprisingly attractive, package.

_/* Who would have thought that the Bear Cub had it in him? He'd gone from innocence to sexual aggression so quickly Sebastian's head was spinning. Dave had reacted far better than he had been hoping for. It was unexpected but exactly the kind of surprise Sebastian appreciated. He could feel Dave's mouth against his jaw line, teeth and tongue relentlessly assaulting the skin there._

" _Now_ that _is what I'm after. Come on, Dave, we're leaving. Right now."_ */

When he put these new things he'd discovered about Dave together, Sebastian saw something he really liked. And that was before the sex. He couldn't even…he couldn't find the words to really describe _that_ experience. _Fucking out of this world_ just didn't do it justice.

He knew whatever he was feeling needed to be explored. It hadn't gone away on its own like he'd hoped it would. If he was being honest, only half of him had hoped that; the other half had tried to hold onto it desperately because it felt _nice_.

So, when he'd been told what Dave had done and why, the guilt had eaten away at Sebastian.

_/* "Someone outed him. I don't know the whole story, but…some fucking homophobic asshole outed him to his whole school. I heard it was awful. Everyone just…they turned on him. They gave him hell and just wouldn't let up. He didn't have anyone on his side – it was just too much I guess."_

_Sebastian felt sick. He couldn't be hearing that. Just too much? What_ the fuck _was Jack trying to tell him? It couldn't be right. Jack was talking about someone else…he had to be confused._

_Something twisted and dark was clawing through Sebastian's stomach. If he didn't calm down he was sure he was going to throw up. "Is he…did he…?" He couldn't even say the words. */_

He didn't even remember how he had gotten home from Scandals. He'd spent an entire day in his room just staring.

He'd stared at the ceiling, remembering the feeling of Dave above him; the warmth, the weight of just enough pressure against his body to feel good, the intensity he'd felt with Dave inside him while he stared at the white paint trying to think of _anything_ to stop himself from coming too soon.

He'd sat on the bed and stared at the sheets. They were the same ones from that night, they'd been cleaned of course, but he could still picture their bodies twined together on them, could still imagine how they'd felt slightly damp from sweat.

He'd stared at Dave's cap. The larger teen had left it when he'd hurried out of the room – when Sebastian had hurried him out. Sebastian had taken it to Scandals to return it to him, but that had been the night that he heard the news. He'd held onto it for hours afterwards, before placing it on his bedside table.

It was still sitting there.

_/* "Bear Cub…he…he hung himself. His dad found him." */_

It took him a moment to process what he'd heard. The words just didn't make sense; they didn't fit together properly. He had to play them back in his mind several times to understand what he was being told.

When his brain caught up, Sebastian had been hit by a sudden and overwhelming feeling of loss, as though something had been carved from him. He'd felt so many things at once. Grief for Dave, anger at the other boy and at himself, guilt for what he'd done to Dave and for not being someone the other boy felt he could turn to. He'd felt sick at the idea that he'd had an opportunity to try for something solid and he'd thrown it away because he was an idiot.

_/* "No…no he wouldn't. That's not…" Sebastian's words drifted off because he couldn't be sure. Dave wasn't really strong like Sebastian was. He was easily hurt by people around him. He may have been a brick wall physically, but emotionally he was fragile. Sebastian had seen that, had caused that, himself._

" _He didn't…I mean…he's alive. He tried but his dad found him in time. Just barely, I think. But he's alive. In hospital." */_

After he'd been told that Dave survived, the relief crashed into him solidly. For a brief moment Sebastian wasn't sure he could stand any longer – he was sure that his legs would give out under him – but the only thoughts that he'd been able focus on were telling him the same thing. _It's not too late._

They could laugh and joke together. Sebastian could be there for him and help him. He could see if there could be something more between him and Dave.

And if nothing else, they could be friends.

_He's not gone. It's not too late._

Sebastian took a deep breath. His muscles were tense and his shoulders felt tight. He forced himself to breath slowly and evenly. Since he'd heard the news he'd found himself drifting into his thoughts often but the road his mind wandered down left him overwrought.

He needed to do something about it. The fundraising, the performance dedication, the fucking _fliers_ ; it just wasn't enough. None of it could make him feel better or do enough to really help Dave.

He unclenched his fist, releasing the notepaper he'd unwittingly crumpled. He'd thought these things would help – and perhaps they would, to an extent – but they wouldn't _fix_ things. Nothing could fix what had happened to Dave or what he had tried to do to himself, but maybe Sebastian could help in a different way. Maybe he could be there for Dave and help him become a stronger person.

_/* Sebastian waited until he heard the door downstairs close behind the larger teen. When he was sure the other boy was gone, he curled onto his side and hugged the pillow Dave had been using just moments before. He was disappointed that Dave had left, despite the fact that he had pushed him to do so._

" _What are you doing to me, Bear Cub?" */_

It wasn't too late, not while Dave was still alive, and there was just no way in hell Sebastian would sit back and let Dave try again if it all got too hard. He would be there for the other teen. Even if nothing more came of it – though a large part of Sebastian was hoping it would and that he wouldn't do something to fuck it up if it did.

He needed to go to the hospital.

He needed to see Dave.


End file.
